The Ping Pong Show

We decided to spend the day in Bangkok before our late night flight home in order to get last minute souvenirs, last minute Pad Thai, and because we wanted to go to Lebua, a fancy rooftop bar where Hangover 2 was filmed. We headed back to Koh San Road and loaded up on Roy Ban sunglasses, a fresh mani pedi, and got our Same Same tanks!

We wore them as soon as we got back to Chicago (and were also back on the beach ASAP). the back says "but different".

We headed to Lebua next. I was in a nice skirt, top, and flip flops. Danielle was in a nice top, jean shorts, and flip flops. We were greeted by the elevator to go up to the rooftop by a woman in a ball gown (woman bouncers are never a good sign). She informed us that our footwear was not up to par and we left denied and bummed out. It was around 6:30 at this point and we had 2 more hours to kill before heading to the airport. Something possessed me to say, "should we go find the ping pong show?"

Warning: This post may be inappropriate beyond this point. Please stop reading if you are easily offended!

And now that I've got your eyes glued to the screen....

Danielle had been wanting to go to a ping pong show since we got to Thailand and never had anyone else join in on the idea. If you've never heard of a ping pong show...what I knew of it then is that girls shoot ping pongs and other foreign objects out of their vaginas. Our guy friends went and said it was great, and also told us there were plenty of girls at the show. As soon as I suggested it Danielle lit up and I knew there was no turning back. I was pretty sure these shows were normally late at night and that we wouldn't even find one, so I still wasn't too worried.

We got to Patpong, the red light district that hosts the shows, and had no idea what to do next. The entire trip, I've been designated to ask the embarassing questions, like: is that really a stack of birth control being sold at the grocery store cashier?? How much does it cost?? I told Danielle that she was the one who wanted to go to the ping pong show, so she was in charge of finding it. After a few attempts, a man was ready to escort us into a show. I was immediately nervous! I had read about the shows the night before and read that it is a big scam. They will tell you it is free for 5 minutes, and while you forget that small detail they start charging you insane amounts. Girls will try and get you to buy them drinks and make you feel cheap and low if you dont. We asked 3 times how much it was: free. We asked 3 times how much our drinks would cost: $3 each. So we went in.

There were naked girls standing around smoking on stage, and being that it was only 7pm, we were the only 2 people there! Some thin, some fat, none very attractive. I have a problem that when I am uncomfortable I start smiling uncontrollably. This was the worst time for that! We sat down at a table with our beers, and very shortly also 2 cocktails that we did not order. I told Danielle, don't drink that, its a scam! One girl sat on stage and faced her open legs right as us. She proceeded to put her cigarette in her vagina and smoke it like that for about 2 minutes while Danielle cheered. The girl then offered us her cigarette and we both just scowled. She asked us for tips, and neither of us had small bills, so we gave her a few coins...which didn't make her happy. The next girl put a horn in her vagina and tooted it. The third girl shook up 2 carbonated beverages and opened the cap up WITH HER VAGINA! I mean....it made a popping noise and all. Then,
there was a girl at our table asking us to buy her the 2 extra cocktails on our table that we had not touched. We just kept shaking our heads and saying, sorry, no. You can't make me feel cheap for not buying a begging girl a drink, does this tactic even work on guys??

This is all of 10 minutes into the show, when they realized we were not forking over our money in tips and scams. The "pimp lady" came and put a bill on our table with a total of $50!! We asked her what the charges were for and she said $9 per drink and the rest "to look". We both said at the same time what we were told the price would be 3 times, left $3 for each drink, grabbed our beers and left.  Although I didn't even get to see any ping pongs at the ping pong show, I was relieved the scam happened early on, because I had more than enough. I don't think I've ever been so uncomfortable in my life. Danielle told me that she enjoyed every minute of it, all 10 of them. Sorry, there are no pictures, I was too nervous to move and too scared to be charge $100 per picture.

Our last meal in Thailand. SO delicious. Makes me hungry.